deadly_diabetic

( A meeting with a real live mystical creature...sort of )

I usually don't get into political posts, actually I usually don't post, but all the recent talk of racism has got me a little sad so I thought I'd share some observations. ( Read more... )

-DD

I went and saw Star Wars Episode Three this afternoon and although I did enjoy the movie (the best of the prequels without a doubt) I would like to relay my favorite piece of dialog from the movie. ( Read more... )

Okay well at the encouragement of okp and seeing that manzilla has recently also started a journal I thought I would go ahead and get my annual post out of the way.

First, I just want to touch on why I am such an infrequent poster/reader. ( Read more... )

Lastly, I just want to say that my family background is colorful to say the least. ( Read more... )

That's it. Talk to everyone next year.

I haven't posted in a while so I thought I'd just stop and say "Howdy" to all the lj'ers out there. OKP and I close on our house here in hernando today and although we both know that we are headed in the right direction, I can't help but feel a little sad. This house has seen some amazingly good times and I will never forget some of the dinner parties we had here, especially the Lewis-Tyson fight.

Just wanted to take a moment and personally thank everyone for making my life what it is today. I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for each and every one of you, and for that you will forever have my love, gratitude, and admiration.

Thanks.

-DD

OKP's post made me think about what my expectations of "alone time" are these days. I don't think it is nearly as hard for me as it is for her because I've had a number of months to get used to it. ( Read more... )OKP is the corporeal embodiment of any self encouragement that I've ever mustered and where ever she goes, there too goes all my confidence.

-DD

Well this is it, I've finally given in and signed up for a live journal account. Let me explain why I resisted for so long:

1.) Misconception - At first I viewed live journal more like an online diary rather than the online forum that it truly seems to be. mnem0syne and I had a conversation about this once and it basically came down to this: One of the reasons that one usually keeps a diary (or a think journal as I once called it) is that it affords the individual a certain expectation of privacy which therefore results in an honest opinion of both one's self and those around them. Therefore, knowing that anything written here would instantly viewable by friends it seemed to take away that ability to be completely honest. Additionally, one of the most fascinating things about keeping a think journal is the idea that someday someone might actually read it. It's like people who enjoy having sex in public places because of the excitement of possibly getting caught. Although one had the reasonable expectation of privacy there was always that fearful anticipation that someone (especially one written harshly of) would find the journal and stumble upon your true feelings for that person. Once again, without the expectation of privacy that exciting\fearful anticipatory feeling would never be there.

2.) Not to intrude - This place seems like it was a good place for OKP to come and communicate and keep up with everyone and I didn't want to intrude upon that. I never looked at anyone's posts and therefore it gave OKP an avenue to vent if she wanted to with out worry about whether or not I would see it.

3.) Didn't want to seem like an idiot - Let's face it, there is a veritable boatload of of highly intellectual and well spoken (or in this case typed) individuals amoungst this group and that in and of itself can be quite intimidating. I don't think anyone has ever gravitated toward me because of my mental prowess but rather because of my demeanor and if there is one thing that is hard to convey over this sort of medium, it is demeanor.

4.)Wordy bitch - As anyone who frequented our former clan forum can tell you, I'm a wordy bitch. So my posts tend to be quite lengthy and I KNOW that gets on people's nerves. SO for all the time that the endeavor will waste of yours, I'm truly sorry.

Despite all this, I've decided to go ahead and get an lj so that I can keep up communication with friends after OKP and I move to Jackson. Speaking of Jackson, this will be the subject of my first post: living in borrowed space.

There was something odd about coming "home" on this past Friday. I had been longing for my bed, my pillow, my full sized TV, and most importantly my broadband internet service. Yet when we pulled into the garage early Friday evening there was an uneasiness in the house that I was not used to. You see, all the previous week OKP and I had been looking at homes in Jackson, putting a contract on a house, and talking about all the renovations we wanted to do to our new "home." And there it is, the crux of it: you only truly have one home.

Seeing this house and being in it was liking seeing an old best friend that had somehow over time turned into an acquaintance. You feel bound by some unspoken set of rules to say "Hi" and to make small talk. Both of you thinking about what it was like when you knew the details of each other's lives intimately, when you thought your futures lie along the same path and nothing could be done or said that could change that. Still you make polite conversation. You both think of what it would be like if you had stayed close over the years. Would it be you that was them on this particular night? Would your life be better or worse? Yet after all the discrete speculation, you want nothing more than to shake each other's hand, promise to try and keep in touch, and move forward with the rest of your life. You want to quit bastardizing a relationship that waws once so important and sacred. This is how I feel in this house right now. It is no longer my home but the new house isn't mine yet either. I'm in a state of limbo and I want nothing more than to show up on the 13th of this month, close on this house and say "goodbye my dearest acquaintance", close on the house down in Jackson on the 23rd and say "Hello home."

-DD

P.S. - In actuality part of the loss is beause OKP and I are spending time apart during this and no matter where we are my home is where ever her head hits the pillow.